Ruminations

Had an interesting lunchtime conversation yesterday with someone, V, who works at the same university I work at. I’ve gotten to know V because I’ve assisted some of the students V works with, and she is also studying at the moment, so I have helped her with obtaining information and updating her search skills.

Part of my job involves helping staff and research students (PhD candidates and so forth) with their research needs. I enjoy this part of my job because I get to learn a lot about the work people do, and the sorts of problems they experience. Working with research students is also really enjoyable, as I have been doing my job just long enough that I have actually been able to work with some students right from the beginning of their candidacies, struggling through the horror periods with their data, missing references and misbehaving word processors and bibliographic management software, and the agonies of analysis and writing, all the way up until the time they submit their completed thesis. I feel a sense of achievement and vicarious pleasure too, when the thesis is passed and finally arrives in the library, bound and solid. And some people even thank me in their acknowledgements, which is always very gratifying.

Anyway back to yesterday’s lunch. Somehow we ended up talking about happiness and creativity - specifically writing and the writing process. With regards to happiness we talked about our relationships (I wonder if I was too mushy about M, ah well never mind!) and work and what makes us happy (job satisfaction as opposed to lots of money).

I was amused at myself though - although I shared the fact that I get out of bed at 5 o’clock every morning, and that I use this time for reading, reflection and writing, I neglected to mention that I do a lot of this reading and writing on the computer. I don’t know why, exactly. V was amazed at the fact that I submit myself to such a regime (5am rising) but she was quite interested to hear about the stuff I do - and shared the stuff she does - and we had a good chat about what we write about and the things that help with writing. V writes a fair bit, keeps paper journals and has even won a short story competition!

Actually no, I think I know why I didn’t mention the computer aspect. I think I need to get over my innate dislike of being scorned for liking the computer. My defensiveness annoys me. Why does it bother me so much what other people think? One would think I was owning up to being a spammer, or crank phone caller, or library book thief, or some other equally reprehensible behaviour. This reaction of mine only seems to come up when talking about computers, and anything computer-related, though. I don’t seem to care so much what people think about other things I like or do or enjoy. What should I do to get over this? Any ideas? (Feel free to tell me to just get over it.)

Categories: navel-gazing